Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The 4 Axed Australians - The Butt of all Jokes

What hit Australian cricket in the past few days, only Arthur and Clarke know, but it is by far the stupidest, funniest, and strangest reason given for banning 4 players from the 3rd test of the series against India. The fact that the 4 players - Watson, Pattinson, Johnson, and Khawaja -  were axed because they failed to turn in a presentation in time to Mickey Arthur, Australia's coach, has become a global colossal joke.

Here is a compilation of all the quotes, jokes, and pics that I have come across regarding this once-in-a-lifetime kind of story.

“What I am confused by is that the coach of Australia asked the players for only 3 things to improve the team by” – Michael Vaughan

“So Australia has drawn a line in the sand. An important first move for any beach cricket team” – RD Hinds

“We need to hire Ijaz Butt again. The Aussies are taking the limelight away from us” – A bemused Pakistan fan

"I'm surprised that's the penalty for something so mundane. It seems like it was on a schoolboy tour or something. It's an over the top reaction." - Allan Border

“That awkward moment when Australia become Pakistan” – Alternative Cricket

"From my experience report writing is not a player's strength, no surprise to hear some failing, need to focus more on field short comings?" - Tom Moody

“Shane Watson did not submit his presentation because he did not want to risk injury through a papercut” – An Australian Fan

"Adults we are, not schoolboys! Please let's act properly and make good decisions in India! Need these boys playing." - Darren Lehmann

"To many wrong people are picked for jobs who give a fancy presentation!!" - Damien Martyn

"What is going on with Aussie Cricket?? Didn't realise you had to do an essay to get a selection these days..!!!!!" - Michael Vaughan

“The Australians are looking to hire a PowerPoint Coach. Applications are to be submitted in the next 5 days via SMS, Email, PPT, or Note Under the Door to Mickey Arthur” – Well Pitched

“Asking Shane Watson to write a 100 words was unfair. He only averages 35” – Fake Richie Benaud

"To punish players for not being able to produce a PowerPoint presentation is baffling. They just haven't done their homework and to punish them is ridiculous. They have not been out until four in the morning, they have not been jumping off ferries or putting hands through doors." - Matthew Hoggard

“The dig ate my homework excuse was refuted by Cricket Australia on the grounds that, allegedly, Michael Clarke does not eat paper” – Mansi Shah

"'If you want feedback listen to Hendrix's Star Spangled Banner. I'm off to the nets' - things the Dog Ate My Homework 4 wished they'd said..." - Mark Butcher

"Mickey Arthur: 'This is a line in the sand.' It's called a crease. Behind it are are three poles: they're called stumps ... #laughingstock" - Greg Baum

"I want views of Chappelli, DK Lillee and Rod Marsh on punishments for not doing homework. This feels like a seminal moment in Aus manliness." - Osman Samiuddin

“Will Arthur allow the 4 to play if their parents wrote apology notes and promised that they will ground the 4 for a week?” – Hemant Buch

“Pakistan players are now worried that they might be asked for a 50 page report about how they can improve their test performance” – Well Pitched

"On a positive note Ed Cowans presentation has just been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize" - Damien Fleming

“Off for a round of golf. David Lloyd is my partner playing against a couple of posh uns. Done my homework so should get selected" - Michael Vaughan

“David Warner copied his homework from Ed Cowan” – Alternative Cricket

"John Inverarity was my high school headmaster. Not once did he threaten to drop me for not doing homework during my 5 years at Hale. #Legend" - Theo Doropoulos

"Even bigger story @scgmacgill I'm batting 5 next test !!! iPad charged up PowerPoint done" - Damien Martyn

“I bet Australian fans were hoping that Xavier Doherty had also failed to comply with team orders” – Alternative Cricket

“I know Mickey Arthur is African, but must he act like Robert Mugabe?” – Fake Richie Benaud

“Shane Watson flies back to Australia and vows to enroll in a presentation skills course to make his way back into the team” – Well Pitched

"Bowl better, Bat better, Catch better, communicate better... Just bloody play better.... I am now available for Selection of Australia..!!!!!" - Michael Vaughan

"Amazing 4 Aussie players banned for not doing homework , I thought letting them play in the next test would be punishment enough #3-0india" - Andrew Flintoff

"Not really up on modern text speak, but gather that ROFL might be appropriate…" - Jonathan Agnew

“Australian cricket fans can rest easy tonight knowing the best XI powerpointers will be representing them in the 3rd test” – Fake Richie Benaud

"At least NZ'ers get in trouble for having some proper fun (read: not fun, against team protocols, naughty boys) No homework, ha" - Iain O'Brien

"Kiwis learning Mike Hesson not such a bad option after all...." – Innobystander

"The only thing that would explain Mickey Arthur is if Ashton Kutcher jumped out of a locker with a camera crew. #punk'dthemovie" – Scotty Cummins

"Reasons for dropping Test cricketers: 1. Texting a South African, 2. Not texting a South African." – Tickers Cricket

"Four Australians axed from the next Test for lack of texting. This must be very confusing for poor Kevin Pietersen." - Pavilion Opinion

"Oh, so that's what the fifth day of a Test is for? The paperwork." – Will Anderson

"For those asking about my test team. J K Rowling is not injured but rather being rested as part of our ongoing rotation policy" – Special Grant

"In Shane Watson's defence one other time he filled out paperwork and got a paper-cut and missed six months of cricket." - Bretteppa

"A rare day when a patient Test 190 by Ashraful is the 2nd most unbelievable event in the Test world" – Sriram S

“I can confirm that the 4 players banned did in fact do a presentation. “Change the coach” appears to be a theme that wasn’t the right answer” – Fake Richie Benaud

Sources: Cricinfo, Twitter, Sydney Morning Herald, The Australian, BBC, Daily Times

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  1. Anonymous said...

    lost badly In India :)

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