Sunday, March 9, 2008

Response to the Unwritten Memo

Over at Cricket with Balls I read an open letter to the PCB written by Uncle J. Since Uncle J is playing the CA administracrat, I decided to play the one from PCB. Here is my response.

Dear Cricket Australia Administracrat,

It is very unfortunate to hear about Australia cancelling their tour to Pakistan. We were looking forward to a sound thrashing by the Aussies, especially after the kind our beloved neighbours gave your team.

We were thinking that Ponting, Symonds, and Hayden who were below par in the CB Series would have looked forward to a tour of Pakistan to get back into form. I am sure you are aware that we have the knack of providing out of form batsmen with many opportunities to score big.

I understand that a tour of India for ODIs would generate more money for you but the Pakistan cricket team is also sponsored by Pepsi, so you should definitey consider our proposal to reconsider the cancellation.

Here is what we are willing to provide:

  1. Top presidential level security including a bodyguard for each player. 2 for symonds.
  2. Assurance that the tour will end before April 16th thus ensurng that all the Pakistani and Australian IPL signatories recieve their fill price from the Indian franchises.
  3. Matches held only in areas where bombs do not blow up every week.
  4. Dead tracks to ensure that all your batsman will be batted back into form.
  5. Private parties at Shoaib Akhtar's farm house to ensure that Symonds & Co. are entertained during the nights. In order to understand what goes on during these parties, please contact your A team and the U19 team that toured last year.
I hope that these points will make your team consider touring Pakistan.

Last but not least, I can also assure you that all the bombers and terrorists living in Pakistan have cabe television and will be watching the matches keenly. Thus they will have no time to plan any sort of bombings while the Australians are here. There is nothing to worry about.

If you still have apprehensions please contact our coach Geoff Lawson, who is also an Australian and has been living in Lahore for the last 6 months without any problems. He is well taken care of and so will be the Australians that tour.

The show must go on.

Cheers.

PCB Administracrat.

Make your pitch on this post...



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9 Pitched:

  1. amk said...
     

    Q thank you for responding on behalf of PCB, they are busy with mis management(grilling Shoaibs) !

  2. Q said...
     

    You r welcome AMK.

  3. Obaid said...
     

    what! no tour, I was looking forward to watching some good cricket

  4. Q said...
     

    Well not officially, but in all probability it will be called off.

  5. Straight Point said...
     

    Q

    i think they are so fatigued that they are looking fwd to have some fun in IPL...

    jokes apart...i feel very sorry for pak team (not in that way) coz i was looking fwd to see what change of personnel and players team will be coming with...the bowling combinations and specially pitches...i was also looking fwd to how oz will respond after the the thrashing they received...all in all it could have been cracker of a series...

    this brings me to one question...they can play in england when bomb exploded not far from ground but...

  6. Q said...
     

    Don't worry SP, u will get to see Pakistan and their combinations albeit not against the Aussies - Eng, NZ, SL, or Bang will end up coming over for a few ODIs.

    Its not abou security SP cos as u said they were fine with bombs going off in London when they were playng next door. If u have read Uncle Js letter, he mentions commercial reasons and I agree with him.

    A tour of India or SA or England is financially more lucrative for Aussies than Pakistan so they want their best players to be available for those. Plus the case of the IPL is also there - the players want to play that and not miss out on 1/4th of their HIGH salaries.

    Moreover, the case of no night-time entertainment is also an issue for Aussies. All touring teams in the past have talked about not being able to do anything outside the hotels in Pakistan - teams feel jailed.

    If security was the issue the Australia U19 would not have toured in September last year nor would Aus A would have toured earlier.

  7. Straight Point said...
     

    then thats where ICC should step in...if all playing countries start canceling tours on security (read commercial) reasons than it wont serve 'global cricket' they keep harping on anygood...

    i think CA should be penalized very heavy so that they (or anyboday) thinks twice before cancelling tours on 'security' reasons...

  8. Q said...
     

    I agree SP. There needs to be some sort of system in place that penalizes teams for not touring. Australia have also cancelled their tour to Bangladesh which they were supposed to do later this year. The excuse for that is that it clashes with the olyumpics. Didn't tey realise that when they scheduled initially? How lame.

    I know the PCB has insured the series so they will be compensated. But CA needs to be told that it can't do this all the time.

  9. Straight Point said...
     

    here if player says something his deeds are interrogated and acted so swiftly...but a board is playing game and there is not one to look into...

    that excuse was lame is not a problem...but that joke was bought by ICC is the problem...

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