Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Allen Stanford University for Cricket Bloggers

In the after math of Allen Stanford taking over the ICC and world cricket, I wondered what the future of us cricket bloggers would be like.

With help from Uncle J Rod, this is what it looks like.

After acquiring Cricinfo and The Wisden Cricketer, Allen Stanford acquires a stake in Google and the rights to all cricket blogs on blogger and blogspot.

Allen Stanford launches the University for Cricket Bloggers.

Uncle J Rod is appointed Dean of the University on the back of his 4-part series on the "Guide to Writing a Cricket Blog".

David Barry is appointed as Head of the Mathematics & Statistics Department. In his office, he wears a mask and calls himself the Statistical Ninja.

ARJWIZ joins as Assistant Professor of the Mathematics & Statistics Department. He wonders why his boss has a mask in his office.

Soulberry citing his busy schedule joins the visiting faculty team and teaches the first quarter's 'Cricket & Journalism 101' - first lesson, how not to be like Tony Greig.

Ottayan is recruited as professor of 'Art of Questioning 101' and 'Critics Views 2020'. His students' question Matthew Hayden a lot.

Ayalac is sounded out about a position teaching cricket theology, initially he is thrilled, then decides not to accept based on the fact he has to fill out forms.

Nestaquin is hired as the professor for 'Cricket & Politics 401'. Robert Mugabe and John Howard attend his first session.

Suave & King Cricket join as professors of 'Reporting on English Cricket' 101, 201, 301, and 401. They paint the room blue, and throw cheese at anyone who smiles.

Straight Point joins as professor on 'Reporting on Indian Cricket 101'. 12 million people apply for his course. He hires Aashrey, Naked Cricket, and Sfx as his Teaching Assistants.

Golandaaz & Cricket Guru join the faculty as professors for 'Indian Cricket & Advertising 203'. 18 million applications come in for the program.

Moses is brought in to train youngsters on how to survive Orientation week, he is fired after a shocking indiscretion.

Miss Field is recruited as lecturer on "Recognition for Women in Cricket". First lesson is “How not to be a cricket slag”.

Martyred is appointed to the newly created position of chief of cricket photo shopping.

Sportsfreak comes on board as the professor for 'Comparative Sports 302', no one turns up to his classes.

Homer takes over as Dean after Uncle J Rod is caught funneling funds into his newly formed cult.

Tim joins the visiting faculty to conduct crash training programs for 3rd umpires, hawk eye is not discussed.

John is invited to speak on "Cricket & Movies", first film is the Darjeeling limited.

The Crew at Well Pitched alternate as professors for 'How to Manage Cricket in Pakistan 101'. The entire class keeps failing.

Make your pitch on this post...



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34 Pitched:

  1. Suave said...
     

    Nice work Q, now don't you smile, or it's stinking bishop flung at ya!

  2. miriam said...
     

    Excellent post, boys.

  3. Q said...
     

    Stinking Bishop? Is that some brand of cheese? :-/ (Q trying not to smile)...

    Thanks Miriam.

  4. miriam said...
     

    It IS a type of cheese, q. It's nice, but smelly.

  5. Sportsfreak said...
     

    Does Miss-Field get to bring Lara Bingle along as her first Guest Speaker?

    BTW, students would be forced to attend the Comparative Sports classes; otherwise they’d suffer a 5 year ban.

  6. nestaquin said...
     

    What a lineup! Mr Stamford would be blessed t have such talent all in one place.

  7. Moses @ Beer and Sport said...
     

    Oh dear, sounds like I've gone all Peter Roebuck on the kiddie fiddling front..

  8. Homer said...
     

    Can I make tape ball cricket mandatory learning?

  9. Q said...
     

    Sportsfreak - I think MF would rather bring along Lara Bingle and lock her up in the basement instead of allowing her to be guest speaker.

    5 year bans could destroy students' futures you know..

  10. Q said...
     

    Moses - I'm sure there's a story behind that, which Uncle J surely knows about..

  11. Q said...
     

    Homer, u'll be the dean - u can make anything mandatory..

  12. Miss Field said...
     

    Awesome work Q, cheers.

    Unfortunately, Sportsfreak, Ms Bingle declined an offer from the University to be a guest lecturer. We could not afford her ridiculous fee.

    I'd just like to let everyone know that training for the faculty cricket team starts next Thursday. As it's not a mixed comp I have taken the liberty of appointing myself as the coach, and am hoping Miriam will agree to assist me.

  13. John said...
     

    Reading materials for first term:

    1.1 - "The importance of Jena Jameson to a cover drive", by Tony Greig.
    1.2 - "Michael Holding and Morpheus", by JRod
    1.3 - "Dialectic parallels in Sreesanth and Jim Carey", by Sreesanth
    1.4 - "The idiom of rape in Bangladeshi cricket", by Makhaya Ntini

  14. Straight Point said...
     

    great post Q...and thanks for considering me worthy enough for the appointment...

    my first assignment(s) would be...

    1. how not choke after seeing turner...

    2. how not to be in awe of money (read IPL)...

    i can see lots of commentators and experts (specially overseas) registering for these course in our university...

    ;-)) cheers!!

  15. miriam said...
     

    Miss Field, am not sure about my coaching skills but I can be in charge of kit design.

  16. Q said...
     

    Thanks MF. Credit to Uncle J as well.

    Women coaching a boys cricket team - sounds interesting. Whens the 1st session?

    Miriam - what kind of costumes do you have in mind?

  17. Q said...
     

    Funny stuff John, although Soulberry might object to material from Tony Greig..

  18. Q said...
     

    Pleasure SP.

    I think the 12 million were all Indian. U'll need to put in extra hours to cater to international students ;-)

  19. Miss Field said...
     

    Actually I was going to suggest that anyone who 'forgets' to wear a shirt to training may be viewed more favourably for selection.

  20. Q said...
     

    Tuck in those tummies boys..

  21. miriam said...
     

    Honestly people! Why does it always have to come down to partial nudity?

    Q, I'd resurrect Kerry Packer Coral Pink.

  22. Q said...
     

    Uncle J suggested the pants off and MF suggested the shirts off...

    Combined they've made it complete rather than partial nudity Miriam.

    Coral Pink? The boys may rather be nude ...

  23. arjwiz said...
     

    LOL, this post made me laugh, Q! Good one!

  24. Q said...
     

    Thanks Arwiz. Uncle J deserves the kudos.

  25. Jrod said...
     

    John, that is an awesome idea.

    But Michael will need to put on weight as i write it, in true morpheus style.

    Moses, last time i did something like this i said you'd look good in a camp suit, and this time i called you Peter Roebuck. Sorry mate.

  26. Soulberry said...
     

    It's fun to be back on campus and to be greeted by eteemed colleagues thus...but Tony? Thanks mate...been a tiring journey..jet lag and all, so before I take the first class of the semester, I'll just pop over to the Dean's lodgings for a beer and check out this cult of his....with the Stanford billions, the beer and the cult both promise to be good.

    Thanks Q...honored.

  27. Obaid said...
     

    How about pink outfits like that pink cricket ball

  28. Q said...
     

    Hahaha, Yes SB it sure wud be fun to be back on campus... *sigh*, the college life!

  29. miriam said...
     

    Obaid, ok they can choose between Kerry Packer Coral, and pink like the cricket ball.

  30. Q said...
     

    I still think the boys wud rather go nude..

  31. obaid said...
     

    Q, they would not get any "support" if they did that... and also how would they shine the ball if they did that? the end of reverse swing?

  32. Q said...
     

    Shine the new ball? They don't need clothes for that... just a and and some tongue..

  33. Anonymous said...
     

    Hey guys does anyone of you know stanford fin group stock quote symbol? thanks t want to make some $$ too

  34. karthika said...
     

    nice....




    regards
    aegan stills, songs

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