Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Role Play

I recently read that on arriving in Jaipur, Shane Warne wrote a paper before the Indian Premier League began. The paper was titled "What's My Role" and included job descriptions for each of the squad members of the Rajasthan Royals.

Yusuf Pathan's role was described as:

"1. Be aggressive, dominate the start of the innings. Play with freedom, take 'em [bowlers] on. 2. [Bowl] Stump-to-stump off-spin. 3. Field in the ring early on and in the deep later."

Furthermore, the paper also gave titles to each of the squad members. Yusuf Pathan's title was "The Statement Maker".

On announcing Pakistan's 16 member squad for the Tri-Series to be held in Bangladesh, Nasim Ashraf requested Geoff Lawson and Talat Ali to write a similar "What's My Role" paper for the Pakistan squad.

Due to Lawson not being able to get a flight from Australia to Pakistan and Talat Ali still stuck in India held up in post-IPL match referee meetings, they held a brainstorming session over the phone.

Well Pitched has managed to get their hands on the Role Paper prepared for the Pakistan Squad.

This is what is looks like.

Shoaib Malik
Title: Kaptaan
Role: 1. Don't bat in the top three, bat lower down, don't go in during pressure situations, bat how you like. 2. Bowl only when you fail with the bat 3. Field from where players can hear you, speak louder, don't let Afridi dominate you on the field.

Misbah Ul Haq
Title: Inzi Part II
Role: 1. Don't find a new way to get out, hit longer sixes than Afridi. 2. Don't bowl. 3. Field where Malik tells you to field. 4. Don't aspire to become captain.

Salman Butt
Title: Opening Solution
Role: 1. Bat 50 overs, guide whoever opens with you. 2. Bowl if other team is easily winning. 3. Field close to Malik, keep him calm. 4. Think like you are the captain.

Shahid Afridi
Title: Boom Boom
Role: 1. Bat in every position, hit ball out of the ground, don't defend, hit ball in the air. 2. Bowl leg spin, off spin, googly, flipper, bouncer, become our Ajanta Mendis. 3. Field in covers, cheer team on, don't dominate Malik. 4. Don't think like you are captain.

Mohammad Yousuf
Title: Prayer
Role: 1. Bat like a dream, hit those cover drives, don't run too hard, take 5 steps after every shot. 2. Don't bowl. 3. Field where you can be hidden, keep praying for wickets.

Younis Khan
Title: Dummy
Role: 1. Bat like Malik tells you. 2. Bowl like Malik tells you. 3. Field where Malik tells you.

Kamran Akmal
Title: Screecher
Role: 1. When opening slash at every ball, when batting lower down slash at every ball. 2. Keep wickets, don't worry about dropped chances, don't give byes, appeal hard, annoy batsmen. 3. Let out "come on boys" every 2nd over.

Mohammad Asif
Title: Drug Lord
Role: 1. Don't worry about batting. 2. Bowl with bionic arm, try swinging ball, if no swing you will get hit, don't worry smoke a joint. 3. Don't smoke dope on the field.

Umar Gul
Title: Gully Cricketer
Role: 1. Don't worry about batting. 2. Bowl yorkers, fast swinging yorkers, blink hard during run up. 3. Field well, keep blinking, don't do drugs.

Nasir Jamshed
Title: Boom Junior
Role: 1. Bat like Afridi, smash every ball, don't worry about Khurram or Khalid. 2. Don't bowl unless Malik asks. 3. Field in slip in beginning, then wherever you have to.

Sohail Tanvir
Title: Windmill Roller Coaster
Role: 1. Bat like you do in domestic cricket. 2. Bowl like you did in IPL. 3. Field like you. 4. Don't get caught with drugs. 4. Think your playing for Shane Warne.

Rao Iftikhar
Title: Anjuman
Role: 1. Don't worry about batting. 2. Bowl outswingers only, no need for wickets, don't give runs so your economy keeps you in the team. 3. Field near boundary, throw like Walsh. 4. This is your last chance. 5. Don't change your name.

Fawad Alam
Title: Super Sub
Role: 1. You will play in a dead rubber. 2. Bat to prove you are a batsman. 3. Bowl to prove you are a bowler. 4. Field in covers and then sweeper, run fast. 5. Eat Vitamins. 6. You will come on as substitute during senior players' cigarette breaks.

Wahab Riaz
Title: Lahori Dugga
Role: 1. Bat fast. 2. Bowl fast. 3. Field fast.

Bazid Khan
Title: Majid's son
Role: 1. Don't bat like your dad, try and take Younis' position. 2. Do you bowl? 3. Field in the deep.

Title: Domestic Performer
Role: 1. Don't worry about playing, we are giving you your dues, you will be dropped soon. 2. Bowl in the nets. 3. You may or may not get to field.

End Summary to all players:

Discuss your roles with Shoaib Malik. Don't worry if the captain changes your roles. An urdu translation will be provided when we are in Bangladesh.

See you in Bangladesh.

Coach & Manager.

Make your pitch on this post...

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9 Pitched:

  1. Anonymous said...

    Now that is a great article Q.

    That is practically what they want from the Pakistani team.

    I just disagree with Rao Iftikhars name. His nickname should be changed to the Mountain Lion.

    With a nickname like that, he will easily strike fear into the hearts of batsmen. His economy rate will terrify even the biggest hitters and his outswingers will catch the faintest of nicks perplexing the umpires and forcing it to be not out.

    Inzi part II should actually find inventive ways to get himself out. Throw the bat at the stumps while running perhaps?

    Wahab Raza should be called The Flash for the speed obsession. Also added should be: Don't do speed.

    In the end of the description you should add: Don't think about becoming captain. Don't get injured. Don't think about captaincy. Give everything asked for and then some. DONT DREAM ABOUT CAPTAINCY.

    However on a serious note Q. I agree with Salman Butt as being our opening solution. We have spoken about this before as well on Wellpitched as well as Afridi's role as a bowler and a number 7 or 8 batsman. Well written!

  2. Gaurav Sethi said...

    with conversations like that even the phone would be bugged.

    Bravo Q!

    At this point tho Bravo is not in. But Q sure is.

  3. Q said...

    Thanks Anon and NC.

    Yes anonymous I remember that convo and still stand by it. Pakistan need Butt at the top of the order and they definitely need Afridi for his bowling and field presence. His batting will always be a bonus. Either way the top 6 should be doing the batting job...

  4. Tazeen said...

    very funny indeed, but can the drug lord go to Bangladesh? I think he is still languishing in there.

    Now that we dont have the diva from hell (Shoaib Akhtar) there is another diva trying to take his place.

  5. Q said...

    I doubt he'd be going to Bangladesh Tazeen..Looks like Asif is going to be stuck in Dubai for 3-4 days.. the state offices here are closed for 3 days due to mourning for the Sheikh's brother who passed away so his hearing, tests results, etc. could take some time to clear up...

    Pity that, he was a talented one.

  6. Anonymous said...

    Well truth is most of our bad boys were our most talented.

  7. Wasi Manazir said...

    ha ha ha gr8 article..
    simply hilarious.......

  8. Q said...

    Hasan, Wasi - Welcome to Well Pitched.

    Hasan, I agree the bad boys were the most talented. The difference though is that the bad boys of the past played when it was time to play and left their extra curriculars to other times.

    Problem today is that these guys don't know how to keep it all separate.

    Wasim / Waqar did just as much drugs as Shoaib / Asif...

  9. Q said...

    and thanks Wasi :-)

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