Monday, June 16, 2008

Shoaib Akhtar to Produce Diamonds!

"How many diamonds can you retrieve from one single mine; there has to be an end somewhere. I don't see any natural fast bowler after me."

Shoaib Akhtar being his arrogant self.

Sadly he's right.

He can do something about this though. He can start producing!!

Here, I recommend some potential partners whom Shoaib can tie up with in order to retrieve that diamond he's talking about.

1. Rakhi Sawant

Proposal Description: Appear on reality singing and dancing show as a pair, win it, and propose on stage.

Pairing Description: Most dramatic couple ever.

Diamond Description: Dramaybaaz, ugly, big, and voluptuous. Big head, big eyes, big lips, big hips, big arms, big thighs, big legs, big...... Will surely make all the headlines. Will bowl as fast as he speaks, and speak before he thinks. A bigger drama queen than the parents.

2. Soha Ali Khan

Proposal Description: Use big brother Shahrukh Khan to approach his good friend Saif Ali Khan.

Pairing Description: Beauty & the Beast.

Diamond Description: Aristrocratic, long nosed, brown and fairly built. Will have cricket in his blood from daddy and grand daddy, will be a fast bowler and a decent enough batsman who will turn to bollywood on retirement.

3. Kareena Kapoor

Proposal Description: Use big brother Shahrukh Khan to approach his good friend Saif Ali Khan.

Pairing Description: Wild Thyngs.

Diamond Description: Punjab da Puttar, big eyes, big chin, chubby cheeks, and short. Will probably be known as a Kapoor rather than an Akhtar. Will start out on the fat side and then go on a strict veggie / yoga regime to turn to size zero and then retire as a chubby old man. Definitely a punjabi fast bowler.

4. Bipasha Basu

Proposal Description: Beat John Abraham, Dino Morea, and Christiano Ronaldo in a modeling competition with the winner walking away with Bipasha.

Pairing Description: Black Beauties.

Diamond Description: Kolkata Knight Rider, dark, round, voluptuous, and a fish eater. Will be Bengal's favorite son and the fastest bowler to come out of that region ever. Ganguly will be his idol, Aryan Khan his favorite bollywood hero, and Kim Mukherjee the favorite bollywood actress.

5. Katrina Kaif

Proposal Description: Beat Salman Khan in a body building contest and bowl Katrina over.

Pairing Description: Bold & the Beautiful.

Diamond Description: Prim and proper, tall, good looking, wierd nose, and a body builder. Will be a confused English / Desi soul who will start of as a medium pacer and than become a fast bowler. Will spend summers in England playing county cricket and speak of eggs and bacon as his secret to success.

If Shoaib Akhtar mends his pot smoking, vodka drinking, and coke snorting ways, he may be healthy enough 25 years down the line to actually watch Akhtar Jr. fire deliveries at Mohammad Ashraful & Co.

Make your pitch on this post...

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8 Pitched:

  1. Jrod said...

    Isn't there a really quick female Pakistani bowler?

    Couldn't they be mated up for an East German type union.

  2. Q said...

    That is true Uncle J! I had totally forgotten about "Asmavia Iqbal".. how could I!

    I remember a quote from the Pak Women captain saying that she's their shoaib akhtar - her bowling action, her antics, everything abt her was copied from him...

    I will edit this post now ... we have found Shoaib's perfect match! Thank you.

  3. khansahab said...

    Very interesting article!

    I don't think any of them deserve Shoaib Actor though!

    Who would want to spend her whole life with a miserable unrefined druggie?

  4. Q said...

    Glad u liked it Khansahab.

    Out of all of them, maybe Rakhi Sawant deserves him ;-)

  5. khansahab said...


    That is exactly what I was thinking- Rakhi is my first choice too (for Shoaib)


    I remember watching a Shahid Afridi interview when he was asked about Shoaib Akhtar's marriage plans. He said, "Shoaib asked me (Afridi) if there was any decent and well behaved girl I knew so I could introduce her to Shoaib and my response was, if you want to marry a respectable girl you need to become decent and well behaved yourself!"

  6. Tazeen Javed said...

    this was excellent
    I personally like the first pairing best.
    Both Rakhi and Akhtar like to flaunt their less than perfect bodies.

  7. Q said...

    I guess then it is a unanimous choice of Rakhi Sawant for Shoaib!

    Rishta leke chalein?

  8. Q said...

    I've heard that one before Khan Saahab.

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