Sunday, July 6, 2008

The 2-day ICC Moot in Dubai

ICC: Good morning members. I hope the traffic wasn't a killer and you guys got here easily. Now that we are done with exploring the summer sales in Dubai buying half priced Boss and Gucci suits, lets get down to business.

I know some of you went around buying property and horses yesterday, but here we are gathered to discuss other types of business. Cricket. Lets talk cricket.

Lets start with the BCCI.

BCCI: Good morning boys. We want Zimbabwe to remain a part of the ICC, but we want the ICL and its players to remain in exile.

ECB: The laws in England don't allow us to ban ICL players from playing in counties and they don't allow us to hold the World T20 next year with the inclusion of Zimbabwe. So we have to disagree BCCI.

PCB: ECB, we can reach a solution if you change the result of the Oval test to a draw.

CA: No way, we don't want Zimbabwe. We don't mind the ICL but we can't completely go against the BCCI. And what is this nonsense of changing test results?

BCCI: Its not nonsense. Once this is done we will look at Sydney in the next meeting.

NZC: We will do as Australia says.

SLC: And we will do whatever India says. They run our cricket board after all.

WICB: Why doesn't India start runnings ours as well. We need the money.

ZC: We want more money than anyone else. We don't have nothing.

CBSA: No way, we don't want Zimbabwe. We don't mind the ICL but we can't completely go against the BCCI. And what is this nonsense of changing test results?

BCB: We will do whatever India and Pakistan tell us to do.

ICC: Right then, the PCB seems to be the only one who has a solution on board. What do you suggest PCB?

PCB: Change the result of the Oval Test to a draw, grant us entry into the 20-20 Champions League instead of England, and England can get to host the World T20 without Zimbabwe.

ZCA: What have we done wrong? Why are you suggesting to leave us out of a World tournament?

PCB: You will get money ZCA. This is how we do business in Pakistan. Everyone gets what they want and who is requested to stay quiet gets the money.

ICC: PCB, Are you suggesting bribing ZC?

ZC: I like the idea.

BCCI: Its only a token of appreciation for ZC. Its not bribing. We've run cricket for 2 decades using these tokens.

ECB: It makes sense. We'll get to host the World T20 and not lose out on 10 million pounds, we still have the $5 million stanford deals, so its quite ok if we don't play the Champions League. That way we won't piss off the BCCI and the ICL county players will also retain their jobs.

ICC: This seems like an amicable solution, but who will pay ZCA?

BCCI: You will ofcourse.

ICC: But where will we get the money from?

CA: From us the member nations, like it always has.

ICC: But there's no extra money to be made. All this goes into our pockets and the development fund.

PCB: Oh leave the development fund for later. Zimbabwe needs the development right now.

ICC: Oh alright.

So CA, you need to make the announcement that ICL players will not be allowed to play in the Champions League so that the BCCI does not appear as the bully.

ECB, you make the announcement that the Oval test result has been changed to a draw so it seems as if it was your decision and you were not bullied into it.

ZC, you should announce that you will not take part in the World T20 so it doesn't seem like you were thrown out.

BCCI, you stay quiet so no one feels that you bullied everyone here through the PCB.

And PCB, you can announce that 2 of your teams have been invited to the Champions League o you can get to keep your word.

And we will let everyone know that ZC will be compensated and remain a full member of the ICC.

Does that make everyone happy?

SLC: Yes!

WICB: Yes!

CBSA: Yes!

BCB: Yes!

NZC: Yes!

ICC: Alright then. Thank you for gathering here gentlemen. You are free now to continue your shopping for suits, properties, and horses.

Aren't we glad to be in Dubai and not London.

Make your pitch on this post...

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4 Pitched:

  1. Anonymous said...

    brilliant post.

    the only change you could probably have made, was not to show BCCI and PCB as so amiable.

    or was there a hidden thought behind it?

  2. Q said...

    No hidden thoughts Ankit - they are amiable - brothers in tow. They both listen to each other and stand up for each other... thats fact.

  3. Jrod said...

    Nice work indeed.

    But where was the bit about the hookers and cocaine.

    When did that come in?

  4. Q said...

    Uncle J, those were discussed in "private discussions in quiet corners" as mentioned in the 6th paragraph of this article:

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